It is 3:37 am on a Sunday and my nose is congested so bad it is as if cement has filled every corner of my sinuses. My ears are pressurized like submarines and my eyes are bloodshot from being rubbed raw. I have just learned what yuri is at the bright young age of 28 years old.
Caution: SPOILERS!!
I just finished listening to Sarah Skaer’s reading of Taiwan Travelogue by Yang Shuang-zi. It is a wonderful travel narrative loaded with descriptions of sights, sounds, and delicious food. Really, every passage is loaded with food, food, food! The travel narrative quickly blossoms into a romance of sorts between the two main characters, a writer on a sponsored trip to Taiwan and a Taiwanese woman hired as her interpreter and guide. Here’s the catch: Aoyama Chizuko is a female Japanese writer and the story takes place in the 1930s, when Imperial Japan was actively colonizing the island of Taiwan and much of East Asia. So, while Chizuko and her Taiwanese friend Chizuru (or Chi-chan) clearly adore one another, an unspoken power dynamic between the two leads to a rift in their relationship that ultimately spoils the romance by the end of the novel. Or does it?
The novel was immediately endearing to me because Chizuko is basically a man that really loves food. Her entire character is about touring around, making stupid jokes, and eating as much delicious food that she can find. Chi-chan, endlessly knowledgeable about her home country and all its culinary delights, is more than happy to see to Chizuko’s every whim. Chi-chan plans trips for Chizuko that are so unbelievably detailed and thoughtful… she plans train rides through seas of clouds with hotel stops and night markets and snack stops… it all feels like a fever dream. And in a way, it is. Chizuko falls head over heals for Chi-chan, and she eventually tries to get closer to her. Chi-chan, however, is willing to flirt but unwilling to cross the line. For Chizuko, her trip to Taiwan is a wonderful writing tour from the “mainland” exploring an exotic place. On the other hand, Chi-chan is a second class citizen, an “islander,” forced to endure slurs, rough treatment, and eventually an arranged marriage in her own colonized land. It is a fever dream.
Again and again, Chi-chan asks Chizuko what their relationship really is. Is she Chizuko’s employed guide? Chizuko insists, sincerely, that Chi-chan is her friend. If this isn’t frustrating for Chi-chan, it was definitely fucking frustrating to me. After being edged along in this magical Taiwanese adventure, I wanted Chizuko to proclaim undying love to this absolute goddess Chi-chan, but in 1930s Taiwan, crossing that line (or even putting the line into words) must have felt impossible. At a critical moment a little later in the novel, Chi-chan again asks Chizuko to define their relationship. Chizuko says that Chi-chan is her “best friend.” Chizuko, literally drunk at one point, eventually falls to begging. She asks Chi-chan again and again to stay the night at her place. Chizuko is powerless to stop the rift that grows between herself and Chi-chan.
Indeed, the word “love” is never uttered in the novel to describe the relationship between Chizuko and Chi-chan. The word hangs in the imagination but is never uttered. This is in line with the definition of yuri as provided by (amazingly) The Ministry of Culture of Taiwan:
“In ACG (Anime, Comics, and Games) culture, the Japanese term “yuri” refers to affection between women that goes beyond friendship but falls short of romantic love.”
Indeed, the relationship between our protagonists is like a supercharged friend-zone. It is a complex relationship described through the subtle movement of dimples, flirty grins, and deep caring for food. Chi-chan is an angel from heaven to Chizuko, but ultimately she cannot give Chizuko what she really, really wants.
The novel ends in with the two reconciled but ultimately dissatisfied. The love they hold for one another is palpable, but it goes unfulfilled by the end. No amount of food can satisfy the sense of want hanging in the air. Indeed, Chi-chan literally takes Chizuko to a special banquet where the two chow down on 9 courses designed to be eaten by eight people, but physically stuffing Chizuko with her favorite stuff is not enough. Their relationship began with food but it transformed into something deeper, harder to satisfy.
In the end, Chizuko spends an entire year in Taiwan with Chi-chan. In the last pages of the novel, Chizuko remembers that she has to return to Japan in a few weeks but doesn’t mention this out loud. Chi-chan, presumably, is going to go ahead with her arranged marriage. The book does not explain what actually happens. We don’t know if love wins, or if they go their separate ways and never see each other again. This ending filled me with so much emotion that I had to write it all down.
So here I am. It is now 4:32 am on Sunday.
FUCK YURI!!!!!